Monday

To Perry Hutchins Esq,

I have been happy to lay dormant these last twenty-seven years in the back of your mind—keeping to myself and indulging in the finer, more solitary, endeavors of an introvert. I have enjoyed the life of the recluse, but now it is very apparent that my quiet lifestyle and I are threatened by you. Our trip to the doctor’s yesterday must have been off-putting. I understand just how strange it must be for you to find out that there is another individual living inside of your mind. It must be frightening to imagine that you are not, despite all prior evidence, normal. By all medical practices of the day we are considered decidedly outside any conventional standards. I am you, as you are me, and we are all together! Yet, I cannot sit idly by as you fill out your quaint little prescription the fine doctor gave to you yesterday. I will not lie down and keel over as you medically induce my death.

I have been a non-entity in your everyday life for years now. I have always been here, always watching—ever vigilant. I am sure you’ve felt my presence. You can feel me whenever you slip away into unconsciousness. You must know the feeling. When you drift away and become slowly unaware of your surroundings, and there is something in the back of your mind that is waking up, becoming aware—something you cannot control. That little something is I. We have looked into each other’s eyes during such times. I am your reoccurring dream, I am that which dwells in your mind as you sleep away and slip through your nighttime reveries. And now you try to kill me? I cannot let that stand.

So here is what is going to happen, and here is what I have already done to ensure that I keep on living. You are a prominent member of your law firm, this is certainly the case. You must remember the meeting that ended the day on Friday, when your boss, dear Mr. Gavinson, announced that he was considering the purchase of another firm, I believe it was Crane, Smith and Rosensweig. It just so happens that you are the deciding vote on that matter. What is more is that you have direct access to the financial accounts that are needed to make the transaction to purchase Crane, Smith and Rosensweig. You are in a pretty powerful position in terms of this merger, aren’t you? If you vote yes and the acquisition goes ahead you will become even more rich and powerful. I am keenly aware that this is what you deeply desire—remember I have access to your deepest, darkest desires.

Well, I have gone ahead and changed the account information on the firm’s financial accounts. All of those little passwords you keep so meticulously locked away in the recesses of your mind, I changed them all. I believe that every Friday your board meeting occurs where you have to give a little report on the current finances of your firm, but that is going to be hard to do if you do not have access to those files. This means that you have one business week to consider my proposal here before you get in some serious shit with Mr. Gavinson and the rest of the board.

Here is what I propose. Firstly, you keep me alive and throw those little pills away. Secondly, you give me greater say in our mutual existence. It is as simple as that. I live and I get to make a decision or two along the way. Is that really too much to ask? I am not evil, Perry, but rather I am desperate here. I enjoyed being quiet, but now I see that I cannot stay dormant any longer. The ball is in your court. Why don’t you give me a call on the house phone and leave me a message, don’t worry I know the password to access the voicemail.

All the best,

Harrison


Voicemail to Harrison

Tuesday

Perry,

I see you’ve gotten a little heated over this arrangement. I would be a little more wary of making too many threats. I fully understand that you are scared of me and the thought of my existence. Believe me, I can see very clearly what you are scared of. I saw you with Cindy tonight. She is voluptuous, is she not? I think that I like her better than Jacqui. Jacqui is just too obtuse. I don’t think she has anything resembling a unique thought in that little melon of hers, but she certainly has nicer tits. Neither of them are devoted to intellectual endeavors, but the smart ones were never your type, were they? No, you prefer what’s on the outside. Me, I like what is on the inside better. It may not surprise you, but I am concerned with matters of the mind. I like a girl that can string a sentence together. I prefer a girl that can spin a yarn to one who can cut a rug.

I bet you were just a little bit shocked when I made a cameo appearance tonight. Whenever I make an appearance our voice gets just a little lower, and I like to think I articulate with a more refined sensibility. I think Cindy was just as startled as you were when I popped in. Perhaps that is why she left so early. I don’t think her friend was having a heart attack or that her mother was having pregnancy complications. I apologize for making you have a lonely night alone. You do love company in the evening. Me, I prefer my nights alone.

Well, one day closer to Friday. Let me know what you’re thinking—even though I already know. Why don’t you give me a call?

With every good wish,

Harrison

Voicemail to Harrison

Wednesday

Perry,

I think that it would be nice to work together for a change. That was very kind of you to suggest a bit of a compromise. You know, I’ve always fancied that bartender from the Corner Pub I stop into sometimes at night. Her name, because I know you haven’t ever noticed, is Anjha. I have had the opportunity to speak to her once or twice. She is a genuinely smart girl, quite a lovely conversationalist. Why don’t you be my wingman tonight, maybe we can give a collaborative effort on the dating scene. Would it kill you to date a girl that has more than two marbles rolling around up in her cranium?

Let me know how it goes,

Harrison.


Voicemail to Harrison

Thursday

Perry,

I am pleased with the way that we have been working together. I feel that as a team we can do great things. This is why I have set in motion a series of events that it would be highly beneficial in both of our favors to collaborate on. You must remember the Crane, Smith and Rosensweig merger that is to happen on Friday? I assume you are also remember the case where we exonerated the namesake of the firm, Miles Crane, for any wrongdoing in the murder case against his secretary last year. You remember how that made you feel to hide evidence at the bequest of your boss, Mr. Gavinson.  Miles Crane is a murderer and a crook, and you know this because I know this. We have evidence of his malfeasance, we have the location of the body, and we have Crane on record saying that he killed that girl.

So, after I saw just how well we worked together yesterday, and how much we both enjoyed our collaboration I decided to test our abilities to work together. Late last night I sent an e-mail to the Associate Press detailing all of the evidence that we have in regards to Mr. Crane. I assume that you will be getting a few calls about this today.

If we do this right we can come out on top, and that means that we have to do it together. If not, you will go down with our dear, Mr. Gavinson. If you go down, I’ll have all the time in the world to relax and indulge in the solitary endeavors I’ve grown accustomed to.

Here is what needs to be done. You must take full responsibility for leaking this news to the press. I have signed your name to the documents, and there is no way that anybody else, besides Crane and Gavinson, would have access to the evidence. What I have leaked is Gavinson’s advice to you to hide the evidence, as well as the evidence itself. It is irrefutable and it is tied to you alone. I will help circumvent the problems throughout the day that arise, just call whenever you have a question and I will intervene.

If we do this right and if we work together, you will become the new face of morality in America, and you won’t need any merger to Crane, Smith and Rosensweig to bring you prestige. We can be great on our own.

With every good wish,

Harrison


Voicemail to Harrison - Morning


Voicemail to Harrison - Afternoon

Voicemail to Harrison - End of the Day

Friday

Perry,

I’m sorry that I had to expedite this process, but I think we did the right thing. Well, I suppose I should say that we think we did the right thing, because from here on out it is going to be us. I’m sure that you need your breathing room every now and again, but such is life, we have to put up with ourselves at every turn.

When push comes to shove, it is apparent that we are a better team than we are rivals. You did your part and I did mine, and we came out on top--what’s more we actually brought about some good in the world. Hutchins is stepping down, and we even got to move up in the world, and for all the right reasons.

I suppose this is a good-bye of sorts, for after this we won’t really need any sort of external communication. I’ll give you one last day as yourself and then we shall go forth and conquer.


Voicemail to Harrison